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[05 Jan 2010|08:40pm] |
every day of their lives they read the newspapers and went to the movies. both fed them on lynchings, murder, sex crimes, explosions, wrecks, love nests, fires, miracles, revolutions, war. this daily diet made sophisticates of them ( . ) |
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[23 Apr 2009|08:41am] |
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I figure I should start knocking this out ASAP because Gil is probably busting at the seems waiting for me, though he's been nothing short of amazing as I meander along and take my time with this. I have nothing special to write about - simply because those who are important to me, already know everything I have to and want to and am say-ing/think-ing/feel-ing. Do you enjoy my syllable break down? I can't even say I'm digressing because I didn't start this with a main goal or point in mind. I have spent the past, what is it? month? waking up next to the most wonderful guy and our two riotous dogs who actually aren't all that bad when we remember to wake up on time to walk them and running on the beach even though the weather here isn't any better than the weather there and it's really kind of silly to think I don't miss my home at all. But I don't. Maybe just my Dad's cooking and the meals he'd sneak in and leave on the kitchen table for me. It wasn't enough to bring me home, though. What's enough to break you from the happiest you've ever been and bring you back to somewhere (physical and mental) where you felt like a very heavy weight was crushing more and more slowly every day? I can't think of anything. I feel free and content and there is no overbearing weight on my back. I think it's more the absence of school rather than the absence of an entire town, because contrary to popular belief and thought, Longport isn't really all that bad. But then again, when I do go back, I'm not going back there so my views may be a bit skewed. I feel very adult writing this and that maybe, just a tiny bit, that Alix's ability to put thought and feeling into her writing and make it powerful so you now exactly what she's feeling has rubbed off on me, in the slightest of ways. Probably not but one can hope.
I can't give you an accurate description of what the past month has truly been. It's been happiness, balanced by the sadness of missing people, contentment with everything, freedom filled with photographs and painting and the beach and Gil and me and Rocko and Finchy and too many bottles of beer and sleeping in front of the fire place and memorizing every inch of you and me and how well we fit together. I feel like I've just finished a month-long meditation ritual because every fiber of my being is so completely at ease that I am finally thinking clearly and am finally able to enjoy just how perfect relationships can be even with the many faults we all have. I kind of screwed myself with college by just leaving but, it was necessary and if I can't ever get back into a school, I don't think I would really care because it isn't that necessary and I'll make do and work a dead-end job because I'll be so much fucking happier without due dates and restrictions on my own art.
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